“How was your day?”
Recently I was asked about this question and whether there were other ways of engaging with a partner after a time apart.
It’s a question we don’t often examine. Although the original intention was to create connection, you may have found that, for you, the asking and the answering have become stale, rote, another box to check off your to-do list.
This past week, I delivered a Zoom training to my clients as part of the continuing education/support element in my relationship coaching programs.
We began by noting the edges in nature: where forests meet meadows, waters meet land, tidal pools meet oceans. It is at these edges that nature models the greatest amount of generative energy, potentiality, and fecundity. It’s where the birds and creatures hang out, leave and come back to, mate and bring up their young.
The same kind of potential kinetic energy also exists at the edges of where we end, and another begins.
Think of the aliveness you felt at meeting someone new. The ways in which your personal edges extended past your accustomed comfort level. Saying yes to playing together in manners you may not have thought of or allowed yourself on your own. Expanding your capacity to take risks.
And, when find yourself wondering what happened to that initial excitement, thinking there is something terribly wrong with the relationship, or worse yet, something is wrong with you, your relational edges shrink.
You might find yourself having one of these reactions:
– Pull back: consciously (or, most likely unconsciously) you isolate, withhold deep connection, love, affection, touch.
– OverGive: looking to appease, serve, be more of what you think the other wants, you lose yourself in people pleasing.
– LandBlast: you consciously (or most likely unconsciously) come out swinging.
And, boom, you’re back to a familiar way of operating in relationship, your head spinning with confusion and self-doubt. How does one consciously keep the edges alive?
Deep down my coaching is about helping you do the real work of navigational certainty, and to support you in developing the skills to keep your relational edges actively flourishing long-term.
So… How are you?
Let’s talk. Click the link below for your complimentary Discovery Call with me. Let’s see if the relationship work I do is a match for what you’re looking for. Click here now.