I used to crave approval.
Believing that the way to happiness was paved with people pleasing, compromise, and giving into what others wished, I was the best “no waves” maker on the planet. Twisting into unrecognizable pretzels I would ensure the outcome of situations were “peaceful,” “nice.” Then, when enough pressure had built inside, I would blow my cover.
You might relate.
When it comes to self-assertion, to transparency and to desire we can be stumbling fools.
And why not?
You might have been taught to avoid standing for what you want, suppress your desires when alone, and completely obliterate them around others.
It makes for a culture bereft of intimacy. It sends people reeling into self-loathing and self-deprecation. It makes them easy prey for advertisers to sell a quick fix to everything that pains you.
It poisons your integrity.
When you align your behavior with your desires and your beliefs, you achieve personal integrity. There is no way of people pleasing when this transformation occurs. In fact, something magical happens when you do:
When you stand for your desires, no matter the outcome, you discover your worth.
Desires are the most powerful force on earth.
Love can be had no other way – it begins with you.
Years ago I found myself steeped in the desire to sing. At first, I thought I’d join a choir (never did.) Then invested in singing lessons (which I never finished.) And finally, committed to it so that backing out was not an option.
I performed at Maxim’s in Paris in front of over 250 people. Got them singing with me.
Honoring the desire to sing meant facing my fears no matter what others might think, took guts, persistence, and conviction.
Here’s the thing: You cannot be courageous without being afraid.
How are you holding out on what you truly desire?
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And do what it takes to make your relationship desires come true for you.
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