In the the first stage of relationship work my clients begin the real work of truth telling. It means taking a long hard look at all the ways they’ve been adjusting and shape-shifting based on cultural conditioning and perceived expectations
As internal shifts happen there is a natural domino invitation of external cohesion and alignment.
This creates trouble at the border.
Like a sweater with a loose thread – once pulled, the tension in the whole garment is affected.
And so when the inner shifts occur. The outer relational experience can no longer be the same.
We’re human.
It’s one thing to do our own work.
It’s an altogether thing to stand for our needs and value, and to express them to others.
This x-marks-the-spot is where many will stop. Held captive by the grip of default ways of thinking, they fear hurting other people’s feelings or, worse yet, fear the anticipation of their angered response.
They question their right to ask for what they want (be it an adjustment, a request or a release) unclear of what it might now mean about who they have “become” – which is the person who they always hoped they could be with another.
It becomes easier to be “nice” (which is all about managing internal discomfort through people pleasing) instead of “kind” (which is about prioritizing the truth, no matter the consequences.)
Being kind means being willing:
– to engage in difficult conversations (you can never have only one)
– to make adjustments or end relationships that are not bringing out the best in either of you
– to speak up and deliver the message with respect
– to stay connected through conflict
Kindness has a generosity of spirit to it: a sense of tough love, delivering the right kind of touch the relationship needs at any given moment.
Through the work we do at Love by Design, my clients go through a re-training process. In so doing, they become clearer, more self assured, possessing greater navigational certainty in the relationships that matter most – especially when internal change becomes an opportunity for the outer relationships to grow as well.
Versus…
I grow. (You don’t.)
I don’t tell you. (You are clueless.)
I get frustrated, angry and resentful. (You don’t understand what’s wrong.)
I blow up or cut it off. (You are left confused.)
How will you choose kindness over niceness today in the relationships that matter most?
Let’s talk. Schedule your complimentary Discovery Session click here now. Looking forward to supporting you in your next expression steps.