There comes a moment in any relationship where throwing in the towel seems like the most viable option. You say you’ve given it your all: put in the time, the effort and are still not receiving what you desire and need from your partner.
You may feel resentment , hurt, disconnected, angry , disenfranchised.
Which in turn has you react by blaming, shaming, and judging them either internally or aloud, and feeling the entire thing has been a waste.
Relationships don’t fail because you “tried.” They fail because you weren’t honest.
Truth telling, starting with you, is the foundation to a strong relational house.
Take a moment to answer these 4 questions truthfully.
1. Where have you been withholding – expression, request, adjustment, emotion – from your partner?
2. What reaction from them are you anticipating and bracing against? (make them uncomfortable, engender anger, be less likeable)
3. How much of that anticipated reaction is a story you’ve created?
4. What do you REALLY want?
You might find the answers reveal that what you are seeking Is more connection and intimacy with the one you’re already with.
Not to throw in the relationship towel.
Relationships don’t fail for the reasons you might think. They fail because people aren’t willing to take personal responsibility for what they truly feel and desire first, and communicating that with kindness to their partner.
Instead, they hit the easy button: laying blame, shame, judgement on their doorstep rather than courageously engaging in the difficult conversations that will be generative for the relationship.
It is that skill set I support my clients in developing in the relationship work we do at Love by Design. As a result, my clients gain more confidence in their ability to handle the discomfort of telling their truth and develop navigational certainty in conflictual times.
In my former life as a teacher, I would ask students to look at their hand when pointing at another for being at cause for their complaint. I would direct them to the other three fingers pointing back at them and ask they truthfully account for the part they played in the drama that had been created.
We’re often about 3 times more responsible than we’d like to admit in.
And so it is in relationship.
The lazy way is to blame someone else for not getting what you want.
This is what we’ve been taught.
If Legendary love is what you seek, you must be willing to do the “real” and challenging work of courageous truth telling.
It begins with you.
Where are you laying blame in your relationships rather than speaking up for what you truly want?
Let’s talk. Schedule your complimentary Discovery Session click here now. Looking forward to supporting you in your next expression steps.