As we drove home from our second date together, I remember thinking, “I really want to kiss this guy…”
We had spent the afternoon together paddling in his canoe and he brought a picnic for us to enjoy afterward. We connected deeply on that early summer day.
As we shared, he told me that if he weren’t reasonable, he’d reach over and kiss me.
I was speechless.
We said our goodbyes in my driveway. I walked a few steps then turned back…
…And lay a kiss on him.
Just as quickly I spun around and headed into my home intoxicated from it.
This was the beginning of our coming together.
There have been almost 10 years between that day and this one. Most mornings I have awoken to the sound of his voice wishing me, “Good morning Gorgeous.” There is something both ordinary and mystical about our coming together; this edge where we meet. This edge is where there is a constant sense of new life and growth, a new world between us where once there were just two people.
Over dinner this week, we were talking all things ecology and biodiversity. He shared the importance of edges, known in ecology as the “Edge Effect.” This is where two environments meet and create an even greater variety of life forms than could be found in either one alone.
Creativity and abundance flourish synergistically at the “edges” of those ecological systems. Take for example, the abundance of interdependent life in salt marshes where a river meets the ocean. At those edges the opportunities for innovation and cross-fertilization are the greatest. The edge effect seems an apt description for what sometimes happen when two distinct entities come together: two languages, two cultures, two friends, two lovers.
My formative years were spent overseas in the UK, Chile, Switzerland and France. In each place my family had connections and interactions with people from across the globe. It made for a rich and distinct growing up experience. The edge of my family’s English/American culture meeting that of others made exposure to the diverse range of languages, foods, rituals, value systems and more something I cherish to this day.
The edge effect creates richness. It creates something more.
And, it is delicate.
If one of the systems dominates, it can destroy rather than propagate and create life. It will overtake the other. We’ve seen history demonstrate this time and again with political, military and social controls, colonization, genocide and more. I experienced it early on while in a mismatched marriage.
How to maintain the delicate balance that is needed for this edge effect to continue to be a relationship environment where something new is continually created?
Loving is a learned skill that begins with discovering and understanding ourselves first, then the other. With them, you can learn:
- What your edges are
- how far you can move into the other without crushing or taking over
- healthy boundaries: when to step back and when to stand up
- how to draw the other out with care, tenderness, playful seduction, passion
- What you want and how to ask for it
- to give and receive without pushing, tearing, controlling
The edge effect in my relationship with the man I wished to kiss all those years ago is a thing of great beauty. It has created growth in both of us. It has transformed us into something teeming with more life and more love. We stand together at the edge of our beings and we are more than when we are apart.
How to create that edge effect balance is what I teach my clients so they may experience the level of intimacy they seek.
Need further support? Let’s chat. Click here and let me know the best day/time to you to connect. I look forward to supporting you in your next relationship steps. Love is waiting for you now. Just walk to the edge.
May love be your decision today and always,
Joëlle