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The Audacity of Desire

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Standing True in Desire

“You get what you are given.”

This was a statement made to me repeatedly in my formative years.

As a post-depression child, my mother grew up with the kind of uncertainty, scarcity and lack befitting the times, her mindset firmly ensconced in “never enough.”  This belief, ingrained in me, was such a real truth, that the idea having more was inconceivable.  I accepted this credo as “fact” and, warped as it was, it bled deep into adulthood, informing everything I did – including my choice in men.

So twisted was my thinking that, right after college, I accepted a proposal from my, now, ex-husband, knowing full well I did not love him.  I just feared that no one else would ask (I know.  It sounds crazy.  But that’s where I was…) With this shaky foundation, the marriage was doomed from the beginning and, after 12 abusive years, I finally found the courage to leave.

It was my first conscious step toward “more.

But I still had work to do.  I spent a great part of my adult life resenting women who had the audacity to dream big, to want more, to get their just desserts.  Still believing the credo “you get what you are given”, I saw them as conniving and manipulative.  It was as if their appetite for more was selfish.  I feared their desire would take away from the rest of “us.”  As if the wells of “more” would run dry by their greediness.

I didn’t understand (how could I?) that each and every woman has the capacity to fill her own coffers..  (This is a Tweetable Treat!)Tweet: Every woman has the capacity to fill her own coffers. In so doing, she was not taking away from others.  Her rising tide was meant to lift all boats.

Four years ago, the light got in and my life began to change.  In a workshop with my mentor, I was shown the gateway to Desire…

Looking more like a to-do list, my first, embryonic understanding of Desire was that it was a verb, an action, something I had to go after.  As such, Desire felt like work, difficult to attain, elusive.  It wasn’t until I embraced the concept of pleasure, that the the game changed for me.   This meant breaking a long-held my family rule: becoming Selfish by putting Myself (and my pleasure) First.


You might be thinking sex – and you’d be partially right.  But pleasure is a much broader concept than that. Pleasure means tapping into your life force, letting it guide everything you do, living your live in discovery, learning what turns you on, what makes you feel absolutely delicious.

Pleasure became a practice for me – one that enabled me to prune back all of those antiquated beliefs and lay down new neural pathways that allowed me to want more with no guilt.

Pleasure is a practice that allows you to find yourself right for being who you are no matter how you look, feel, or what you do.  It invites you to trust that what feels good is right no matter what “everyone else” might think.  It begs you to be vulnerable and courageous simultaneously, having faith that YOU and only YOU know what is in your highest good.

It means making a commitment to staying present to each sweet and delicious moment, experience, conversation, sensation and releasing inner dialogue.

It means going against our acculturated and conditioned ways of being in this world.

It means connecting with other women, not through misery and complaint rather by sharing the goodness life is offering to you.

It means letting go of relationships that have outgrown their welcome in exchange for those that energize and feed you.

It means being Selfish by putting yourself on the top of your to-do list and ensuring you don’t step foot outside your home before you are ready to face the day, your way.

It means breaking all the rules you’ve been following.

It means F-R-E-E-D-O-M.

Pleasure?  It’s not for the faint of heart.  But it’s a journey worth taking.

A woman empowered around her pleasure is a dangerous thing.  A woman steeped in her DESIRES is unstoppable.

A woman unwilling to compromise herself, is the perfect, fertile ground for co-creating the kind of relationship she seeks.

And, going deeper into my own practice, recently, placed my beautiful relationship with my man at risk…. I desired more.  Was he going to say “yes”, willingly?

Tune in next week….

Looking for more?  Join me this Saturday, May 31st in Saratoga Springs, NY for a Premiere LIVE event: Bring It – For Single, Sassy, Successful Women Tired of the Dating Game.  >>CLICK HERE<< to Register!

In love, service and gratitude,







NOW IT’S YOUR TURN: What beliefs do YOU have about expanding you capacity to receive MORE from your relationships?  Share with us below!

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