Over 20 years ago, after a very messy, painful, and contentious #divorce I found myself in a new relationship. I was the fittest, happiest, and most fulfilled I had been in my life up to that point. I felt for sure, this new relationship would be a continuation of that.
Instead, I once more found myself #compromising by handing to him all responsibility for my #happiness.
Once that relationship ended and with lots of professional support, I recognized a familiar pattern: I got to feel the satisfaction of handing over #responsibility so I could experience the intense arousal of anger when he failed to meet my needs.
Allowing oneself to receive from a partner everything you truly want can feel so #vulnerable and intense that it can place you in an unconscious commitment to homeostasis.
This unconscious #commitment is your “havingness” level. This internal imprint based on past family and cultural #conditioning determines the amount and kinds of experiences and sensations you are willing to feel before your being decides it’s “too much” or “too good to be true.” Once your “havingness” level is reached, you flip into a #survival response.
You create an unreasonable reason to freak out, one that convincingly hides the actual reason the freak out is happening (too much), and so:
o you keep the imprint intact
o you maintain familiar homeostasis, –
o you remain stuck in the pattern, attracting similar partners over and again.
A freak out can look like: complaining or nagging, picking a fight, becoming irritated with the very person you used to like, deflecting compliments, or avoiding intimacy, rejecting connection, or touch.
So how is one to shift this pattern? Tune in next week.
What insight have you gained on receiving what you want in your relationships?
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