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When Fear Gets In the Way

Virginia Leith appears in "Fear and Desire."This week-end is the last week-end at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, where I have spent the last three months immersed in the concept of desire.  And, although sexual desire has been discussed, BIG life desires (what we want and who we wish to be in this lifetime) have been more the basis of this work.

This is my second “official” run through this program (I attended back in 2010 and stayed with the school through June of 2011.)   This time around I have discovered that when I fully give myself permission to own my desires, no matter how delicious they may be, fear eventually insinuates itself in the mix.  It bullies me with doubt-filled questions such as “what if what I desire is too big?”, “what if I can’t get enough of what I want?”, “what if I get what I desire and find myself disappointed?”, “What if I am incapable of change?” Bottom line, these fears are brought on by a need to reconcile and make peace with my desires.

Knowing What You Want

To make things happen in this lifetime, it is critical to get in touch with your desires.  I mean, how can you create what you want, if you have no clue what it is?  Back in 2010 we were challenged by Mama Gena to create a list of desires – and I went numb.   What?  Desire?  I could come up with to-do lists to beat the band, but a desire?  Something that turned me on to my life?  I found myself short-circuiting.  Coming up with nothing.  When I did sit myself down to write them, I could only come up with things like, “Have enough money to pay my bills” and “Feel a sense of peace in my life.”  Not really turn on material…

I recognized then, as I do now, that an antiquated belief was at play creating a huge obstacle between me and what my heart most longed for me: “I had no right to want.”

It is so easy to put aside desires.  As long as we have none, disappointment won’t raise its ugly head to haunt us.  But here’s the catch: if you don’t even figure it out, you’ll never have true clarity over what and how to create the life your heart and soul longs for.  It’s a slippery slope.

Putting the kibosh on our dreams before they’re even hatched

You might long for a beautiful home in Greece overlooking the Mediterranean complete with candy apple red BMW convertible and personal chef.  The moment you dare fantasize, your itty bitty shitty committee sings a rousing chorus of “There is no way this will ever happen.  Who do you think you are?????”

Or, perhaps you long for a legendary love affair.  And, although you’ve never told anyone, you wish this person to help you live out your “Fifty Shades of Grey” fantasy.  In comes the chorus: “Only bad girls like such smut.  What would your mother say?  What if the neighbors found out you were turned on by S&M?” You bury your desire.  Settle for a clean-cut, safe kind of guy your parents would approve of.

Maybe you want to leave your soul-sucking job, buy a one way ticket around the world so you can discover remote eating spots few tourists have ventured to and write a blog for Adventure Seeking Gastronomists.  But the voices sing: “You can’t do that!  How will you make a living?  Don’t give up your paycheck….”  BAM!  Desire Whack-A-Mole.

A Fierce and Radical Notion

Back in 2010 I knew I could NOT be the only one struggling with my fear of following my passions.  And I am quite certain that many of you reading this might be in the same boat, holding your desires close, fearful of the judgment living them out might bring.  I SO get this.  Believe me, I do.

I’d like to lay down the gauntlet.  To encourage you to do something incredibly brave: to acknowledge and bring light to your desires, even if you have no clue what they might be at this very moment.  Even if they scare the crap out of you.  I want to invite you to write them down, and keep writing them until you feel the faint flicker of “yes.”  The recognition that makes your heart flutter in anticipation.

I want you to do research on your desires.  Let them be your guides, your teachers.  Hold hands with them as you stroll through the park.   Take them on hikes.  Share meals with them.  Tell them your deepest secrets under bedcovers with a flashlight.  Because you are just doing research, you don’t know the outcome of this investigation.  You won’t know the outcome becoming intimate with your desires might bring.  Give yourself a chance to find out.

Need help?

If this journey seems too scary to do alone, join me for a free introductory call to start your discovery.  Click here to be part of a like-minded group of women who seek the same as you: to surrender themselves, their hearts, their souls, their life to their desires.

Do it now.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” George Elliot

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