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What I learned from Men

434119234_d5836e4b8e_oThis past week I went out for a drink with my dear friend, Yes Man.  As we spoke, he relayed his sense of cynicism in dating women.  He referred to them as manipulative, money hungry and out for themselves.  He did not trust them at all, despite his deep longing to be in relationship.

As I listened, heart sad for his experience, the bartender (who had overheard our conversation) agreed he had been the same way, until his current girlfriend.

Being a research maven, of course, I had to ask him what had been different.  He summed it in two words:

Maturity and Responsibility.

He then went onto describe how this woman was able to clearly communicate her needs, take responsibility for her own triggers, put herself first when it mattered most, speak her truth, challenge him all the while finding, appreciating and loving the hero he so wished to be for her.  He further went on to explain that these qualities allowed him to relax enough for trust to come through, and for the cynicism he had carried around for so long to just fall away.

This kind of relationship wasn’t easy, he told us.  But he wouldn’t have it any other way. They’d been together two and a half years.

In less than one minute he had summed up what I had found to be true of my relationship with Card Asking Man – which has been both profoundly Sacred, incredibly hot and at the same time authentic, honest and at moments difficult. (Card Asking Man would agree.)

And neither of us would change a thing.

If I were to sum up this journey of wanting to love greatly, this path I had never traveled before, it would be as follows:

  1. Dare to dream and embrace your deepest desires.
  2. Dare to love yourself so much that there is no doubt that you are enough.
  3. Dare to connect with others who have earned the right to hold you in your most fragile spaces.
  4. Dare to appreciate, appreciate, appreciate and embrace Joy                     
  5. Dare to ask the unthinkable and be willing to redefine the stories you have told yourself to be the truth.
  6. AND, Dare to be honest no matter what.

This I know:  if you are willing to dare greatly and you want more than anything to be in a mature, responsible yet sexy relationship, it is possible.

You are not too much.

You are just enough and getting to understand that, at the very least, is a huge step in allowing another to embrace the totality of who you are.  No holds barred.

Do you have questions on how this is done?  No worries.  I am holding a free seminar on the topic this Thursday.  RSVP now.  I want to hold space for you.

In love, service and pleasure,

Joelle

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