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“The Truth Will Set You Free. But First, It Will Piss You Off”

~ Gloria Steinem

Harvest at Christman's Sanctuary

I watched a tear-jerker last night (Hachi: A Dog’s Tale).   It’s based on a true story of an Akita’s loyalty to his owner, long after the owner dies.  It is a touching story of a dog and owner’s love, respect and appreciation for one another.

Harvest (my dog) and I lay cuddled on the floor – she is the best movie watching partner ever – and I sobbed into her fur at the end… Anyway, I woke up this morning thinking about loyalty.  Mostly, how loyalty has shown up in my life.

I am about as loyal it gets, until I’m not.  I have stayed in relationships way past their expiration date: a marriage of 12 years (16 if you roll in the 4 years we dated), my most recent boyfriend (a 7 year commitment), friendships…  Each time, I kept at them, initiating, shape-shifting to please, making myself small to allow them to feel better, even when reciprocations were not forthcoming.  Even in the evidence of emotional abuse and betrayal. You can only S-T-R-E-T-C-H loyalty so far until it snaps.  Ok.  I admit, I can stretch like nobody’s business – leaving would not be an option until I had exhausted all possibility, gotten so pissed off, that it was the only way to go: cut the relationship off and never look back.

I have yet to find a way to elegantly and perfectly work with this M.O.  Quite honestly, the truth is that I allowed it.  And, I could stay pissed off in this thought – I, like you, am a work in progress. The journey for me has been in developing my intolerance to this stretch: Getting to the point where even a semblance of inauthenticity on my part to stay in relationship with another who does not have my greatest good in my mind, is met with swift and immediate action: Loyalty to myself.

No longer am I willing to shape-shift to be surrounded by just ANY BODY.  Hachi and his owner were connected on a Soul level.  There was a symbiosis to their relationship – and neither changed themselves or made themselves small for the sake of the other.  They held one other lovingly in their Authenticity and in their Greatness.  I wish the same for you – and for myself.

I invite you to set your truth free – create an awareness of where you S-T-R-E-T-C-H – and snap back to your Truth, before getting pissed off.  Loyalty starts at home.  Trust in your Authentic self.  When you do, those who are meant to surround you in love and encouragement will come flooding in – your life will just never be the same.

xoxo Joëlle


3 Responses to ““The Truth Will Set You Free. But First, It Will Piss You Off””

  1. I just ended a deep friendship on Valentine's Day (of course!) and am still struggling daily with that impulse(?) yearning(?) to sending that, you know, casual, "Hey, just wanted to check and see how you're doing!" cheery kind of hello. To see how he IS doing. You hope he's happy, of course. But there's also a little (childish?) (romantic?) part of you that hopes he's also missing you as much as you're missing him. And that the decision to severe this relationship was one built on the need to take the moral high ground. To protect one another and others involved from any future possibility of hurt down the road.

    It's true, his standard modus operandi was to call and chat for hours sometimes when he needed me and to not respond for days when he didn't. Or because he was running scared. Or afraid of losing his privacy. Or his independence. Or was afraid he would only disappoint the more I got to truly know him.

    Crazy-making, such a relationship can be, especially when it's one clearly calling all the shots and the other trying to step lightly so as not to scare away, for fear he'd never come back.

    So why do I miss him? What's behind this? I have many dears in my life who love me steadfastly and unconditionally. Why then this longing for someone so terrified of emotional entanglement? Of intimacy? Are we mysogonistic? Masochistic? And if so, my best strategy so far has been to focus on my other passions. Delve more deeply into what sets me on fire! Sublimation? So be it! Perhaps one of the most powerful paths to creativity!

    • Joëlle says:

      Oh, sweetie, I have SO been there – desiring to reach out to the one you would hope would embrace, love, be intimate with every aspect of you. When in fact, I have found that in that longing lies a fear that I cannot trust myself. That without another, I am not enough. I am, as you are, my sweet. Lean into your sisters, lean into your community, lean into your creativity – it is your Power and Source for wholeness.

      sending you a virtual hug ((((((((Deanna)))))))

      xoxo

      Joëlle

  2. Joëlle says:

    My pleasure!
    xoxo

    Joëlle

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