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I got snarky with my guy….

To-love-being-loved21“The mind’s a two bit whore.”
Martha Beck (Kripalu, 2013)

Last week I got snarky with my guy.  I mean really pissed off.

I had noticed it building inside of me, from small spark to a fire that had the capacity to burn down entire villages in its wake.

It made no sense.

Our relationship is wonderful.  He is attentive, loving, generous, sexy, encouraging.

What was fanning these flames?

Recently our schedules had become busier, our visits with one another less frequent, our contact, sporadic.  I was feeling disconnected, unimportant, marginalized – I began to notice the cancerous growth of disapproval beginning to take hold.

When I sat quietly to unpack these feelings, I recognized an old wound: abandonment.  In the center of it lay a deep longing, a desire unexpressed: I needed to feel more connected…  

I had a desire to be held in his arms even when we were apart.  A desire for him to touch base with me more often, to let me know I was on his mind in the middle of the day.

Instead I kept silent.  And, each time I was not receiving what I so desired, I got more and more upset with him. I allowed my disenfranchisement fester and grow.

Without fully realizing it, I had gone back to old habits: thinking that, somehow, he should just KNOW what I wanted, right?

I let my unexpressed desire mess with my mind: he didn’t care any more.  He didn’t love me any more.  I didn’t matter…  These were the stories I had been beginning to tell myself.

It caught me by surprise.

But this is what can happen in your mind, when you are neither clear on or express what you most yearn for: your thoughts become a Mack truck that jackknife’s itself in the seedy neighborhood of self-sabotage.

When I finally told him I needed to feel more connected when we were were apart and how this desire, unvoiced, had spiraled me into a rage I hadn’t felt in a very long time, he responded with his desire to be better about sending me love notes and endearments.  He told me I was dear to him, that he had never experienced anything like what we have and was grateful for it and grateful for me.

He’s been solicitous to me ever since.

Desires are so simple.  

Yet when we are flabby in our ability to ask for them, we slide down the slippery slope of crankiness.  And when we are connected deeply to our desires and express them clearly, we allow men to do what they wish for most: to deliver our goods.

Simple, I said.  Not always easy.

It is why I teach what I do and why I’ve decided to create a LIVE full-day event in Saratoga Springs NY to dive deeply into the subject.  Join me if you can on May 31st. >>CLICK BELOW FOR DETAILS<<


Now it’s your turn:  Are you feeling disconnected from that which you need the most?  How have you asked for what you need audaciously?  Share with us below!

In love, service and pleasure,


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