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The Foundational Guidepost: Self Love Above All

mujer-sola.mujeres.edad_Last week I presented an intro to a workshop that has germinated within me over the last three years and blossomed in the last nine months.  The topic?  Daring to Love Greatly: The Art of Whole Hearted  Relationship™.  If you had told me a year ago that I might be teaching on this subject, I would have thought you were out of your mind.  How could I, given my crappy history with love and relationships, stand as an expert?

I noticed something beginning to make a profound shift in me a few months back when I was inspired to put together a tele-seminar series entitled “From Fearful to Fierce.”  Having spent the greater part of my 50 years struggling with fear, anxiety and depression, and having cultivated a fierce practice to keep me from slipping into trauma induced freeze/disassociative reactions when triggered, I felt I was in a pretty good position to teach on that subject.  As far as I could tell, there weren’t loads of people talking about fear.  The fact that I was willing to let my freak flag fly (and that there were women hungry to feel relief) was a clear indicator that I was changing.  The work felt close to my heart (and I might teach it again in the future), but it was still sourced by my Social Self: that part of me that hadn’t quite let go of performing, of looking to impress, of getting gold stars, of fitting in….

So, when I spoke to the 15 women who were courageous enough to brave a chilly upstate New York evening with me this past week on the subject of Daring to Love Greatly, the content flowed from an altogether different source.   I felt as if I had, all of these years, been preparing for that one moment.

This time, the content has come from darker, earthier place.  From deep inside my heart.  From truth.  From experience.  It was fueled by grief, fanned by love, and expanded by passion and desire.  For the first time I presented with the kind of confidence I’ve seen the women I admire do so.  I was grounded, authentic, sexy, challenging. I did not shrink. I did not perform. I was me, full out.

Women did not hesitate to buy my upcoming 6-week workshop, and, for the first time, I knew, with every fibre of my being, that the stand I took for myself three years ago had come to fruition.

Stand you ask?

Taking a stand was the most powerful and important decision I made on my own behalf a few years back.  It was foundational.  It was the organizing principle for all the choices and all the actions I have taken.  Like a mantra it was soft and yet it was as sure as placing a stake in the ground.  It was a fierce desire for define myself as and know myself by this credo: Self Love Above All.

Heaven has clearly moved to give me that next best expression of myself in my life, the ability to love more fully and share what I have learned with others.

If you are looking to make serious change for yourself or in your relationship, this is the very first step.  How is it done?

  • First, recognize that the life you have been living is a far cry from what you wish it to be
  • Take time to get quiet and envision what you wish to be feeling from this point forward
  • Name it, give it a title, create a mantra for yourself.
  • Trust that this is happening for you RIGHT now – even when there is no evidence of it in your life
  • Feel yourself drawing it in – the power of your stand vibrating within you.
  • Open yourself to its arrival
  • Let go and surrender to your pleasure
  • And, no matter how long the manifestation takes, especially when doubt creeps in…
  • Know that your timing is absolutely exquisite

It took three years for me to recognize that I was living my credo.  All along the way, I have attracted so many of the other things I desired, including a deeply satisfying relationship – and now am able to share my learning with women.

Now it’s your turn: What is the tenet by which you desire to live your life?  I invite you to create your mantra.  Follow the above steps.  It’s an exquisite and loving way to be in relationship with yourself and with your partner.

In love, service and pleasure,

Joelle Lydon

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