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On Confidence

Action is a great restorer of confidence. Any action is better than none.” ~ Norman Vincent Beale

Beginning with the question, “What am I naturally good at?” I look at confidence: Needing to start with where I am at (not where I think I ought to be), examining the “What is”, being okay with the “As is”.

Because of my training with my family of origin, I am naturally good at many things: an acute awareness of body language, a propensity to listen for what is not being said, following an amazing inner guidance system, holding space for emotion, being a great facilitator and educator, having courage to do what I dread most, pushing my limits and being open to change. Sounds bold, no? Do these statements come from confidence or ego? I ask myself, what’s the difference?

Ego – I wrestle with her a lot. She keeps me up at night with loud, incessant chatter and doubt. She wears a cocky smile, dresses in black and carries a sign that says: “Stay Away”. She’s amazing at tripping me up so that I may ignore what I know to be true and act upon that lie. She keeps me small and prods me to create drama. She also believes, with amazing conviction, to have my best interests at heart: to keep me safe in the stories I have concocted and by which I have chosen to define myself – a translucent shield of limiting beliefs….. She is my self-sabotager – the one who encourages me to pick a fight rather than continue to feel good, fuck up when things are going well, say something untrue rather than risk getting out of a relationship that is not in my highest good. She doubts my ability and sees me as one who needs to be taken care of and fixed.

Confidence – With her, I dance – She’s open, lighthearted, connected to my Source. She wears no pretense, dresses in sexy outfits that accent all of her delicious curves, and carries a sign that says: “Let’s Play”. She creates an expansion in me that is thrilling, lifts me higher, shows no boundaries. She is self-assured: knows, without a doubt that I contain within me the “multitudes” that Whitman sings of, and the ability to do whatever it is I put my mind to. She is certain and loving. She invites me to self-nurture, self-love, self-pleasure. She is passionate about life, lives each moment with joyful abandon and lights up a room upon entering. She encourages me to seek others who desire the same. She nudges me to feel fear, to lean into it knowing that it is in taking uncomfortable action that I grow my hands. She trusts me and knows that I am whole and complete just as I am.

It is the latter aspect of me I desire to take into my coaching practice. She is the one I wish to be sitting across from my clients as I work with them – grateful to be of service, shifting from doubt to strength. It is with her I am my best self and will assist others find the same. I trust that my clients are already creative, resourceful and whole – all I need to do is to ask the questions that will channel their self discovery. Confidence is what I chose to bring with me to the table to play.

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