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The Key to Love is in your hands, should you wish to use it

Pigheaded Peggy

Pigheaded Peggy

“To receive love is to risk death…” Harville Hendrix

Last week I underwent a hysterectomy.  The weeks leading up to it were rocky.  Fraught with anger and grief, I allowed myself to ride the roller coaster of emotions with about as much elegance and ease as befits such an occasion (picture bull in a china shoppe) while witnessing parts of myself raging against the dying of their light.

All the while I sensed my grandmother’s energy surrounding, protecting and soothing me.

Post surgery lessons have been aplenty: surrender, receive, transform… Of the three, receiving still seems to present challenges for me.

“Stubborn” is what my son has often called me.  I always attributed it to the fact that I knew what I wanted and would find a way to get it myself no matter what – damn the torpedoes….  I have been proud of my stubbornness.  It has served me well.

Little did I realize there was something else at play for me, until my man called me the very same thing this past week-end when I insisted, despite doctors orders to lay low, to do things for myself – to not allow him to take care of me the way he so desired.  To cut him off.  To not fully receive.

This is what I teach, receiving, yet here I found myself disallowing the very thing I’ve been encouraging my students and clients to do.  I felt like a hypocrite: how could I be teaching that which I have not fully mastered myself?

I had to dig deeper.

When I did, I recognized a part of me (I’ll call her Pigheaded Peggy) that still survives on crumbs of self-hatred and on specks of feeling wrong for wanting to be taken care of when I am at my most vulnerable – invasive surgery would qualify, here.

I’ve learned to deny my needs by replacing them with defenses.

Letting my Beloved take care of me the way he wanted to would have meant letting him cherish me for who I truly am, which would mean violating an ancient sacred contract I made in my formative years around being flawed.  If I were to feel, do and have what I desire (which is to be cherished) I believed I would be neglected and abandoned.   In the most primal sense, Pigheaded Peggy would die.

No wonder she was putting up a fight.

In the last year my Beloved has taught me more than I ever thought possible.  It has not been an easy route – I have learned that the Key to Love, most accurately Self-love (because I am convinced that is where all love begins), hinges on learning to love in others what one hates in oneself.

Any traits you take issue with in your partner, your date (or even your family and your friends), are only reflections of those qualities which you, yourself, possess.  The intolerance you might feel around their idiosyncrasies is simply shining the light on your own self-hatred for the same exact thing.

It’s probably not what you wanted to hear.

But when you learn to love those aspects of your partner that bring about particular amount of charge for you, you begin to love those very same things in yourself.  As Harville Hendrix, author of Getting the Love You Want states, “Self-love is borne out of love for another.”

This process of healing around the loss of my womb is birthing deeper realizations:  the more deeply I enter into Love my with my man, the more I am able to learn to receive love from him.  My aha’s around this come at a price (and it is this is what has had Pigheaded Peggy doing a bit of a jig).  It means learning to give up my identity as a victim, to let go of the payoff received from hopelessness and despair and to surrender the belief that I am flawed in some deep, inextricable way….

….for a greater Truth:

I am perfect exactly as I am and worthy of being cherished, taken care of and receiving the love I desire.

My Beloved knows this.

The rest is my own journey to take.  I hold the key, as do you.

Healer heal thyself, comes to mind here.  I never claimed to have it all figured out.  Never claimed to have all the answers.  I will always share with you where I get tripped up, how I dig deep to cull the diamonds and emerge at a new place – so I can take you there, too.  Thank you for traveling with me.

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN: Do you have trouble receiving from men?  Allowing them to take care of you –  Opening doors, paying the food bill, pulling out your chair, accepting their compliments without deflection?  Where do you keep yourself stuck with receiving?  Leave a comment below.

In love, service and pleasure,

Joelle Lydon





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2 Responses to “The Key to Love is in your hands, should you wish to use it”

  1. Alexis says:

    Beautiful post! Thank you so much for sharing your story and experience. I have a head full of memories and heart full of regrets for the times I chose defensiveness and/or aggression over opening to receiving. I’m working through releasing them and sometimes now catch myself returning to the same habit of staking out my independence instead of graciously allowing. I hope you recover quickly and fully!

  2. T says:

    Love to you sister – your brevity echoes out to all of us who are connected to you and your work… so thank you for continually stepping up and toward the growth opportunities in your own life. May healing Angels surround you and your sacred womb space as you rest and receive ten fold these next few weeks…



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