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Jealous? Nah… Didn’t think so


I have a confession.

Actually, I’m a little embarrassed about it… being a relationship coach and all.

I found myself in a sticky, jealous spot this week.

Jealous of a friend’s relationship with her husband.

You must understand, the relationship I share with my man is the most mature, respectful, sexy, vulnerable and exciting relationship I have ever been in.

So why was I jealous?

Click below to find out:


Your Soulwork for this week is to share, in the comments below, an experience of envy or jealousy and the aha’s you’ve gained from sitting in that uncomfortable stew.  Be honest.

Recognize that the road to Love is circuitous, riddled with swamps and potholes.  In transparently and vulnerably owning every facet of who you are, you  begin your journey home to your worth so that you may open up to the DEEP SOULFUL LOVE you’ve always desired. 

P.S. While this material doesn’t cost you a cent, it came from my heart. All I ask is that you share this post with at least three friends. Fair trade, right? xoxo Joëlle

9 Responses to “Jealous? Nah… Didn’t think so”

  1. In the wake of a jealousy tribulation, I’m finding wisdom in your words, Joelle. My own jealousy feels so trivial, embarrassing, but I see that in dismissing it I would also be dismissing a budding desire. Thank you for this!

  2. Katie says:

    Another amazing post, Joelle! Really beautiful.

    I’m such a Scorpio in every way except for jealousy. If I feel even the slightest “tweak”, a rare occurrence, it’s a five alarm freak out. I’m grateful for the desire. …but jealousy tells me that I’m out of alignment with my Spiritual Source & to face that I’m not truly that other persons friend.

    I guess I’m more inclined to judgement (when I know I’m not that person’s friend!) Like ‘how does that #%!?’ manage to ….?’ I then remind myself that we all have this incredible power to create. & if I am really pissed, I just allow myself to FEEL how much All Encompassing Love can suck sometimes and then I remind myself that sometimes it works out in my favor, lol.


    • Joëlle says:

      Ok Katie,

      This response is AMAZEBALLS!!!!! You are absolutely right. Jealousy does indicate a lack of congruency and an inability to fully “see” the other person with presence and love. The work is the multi-tasking of embracing the “how does that %$#@ manage to…” while loving them at the same time AND saying YES to the desire that has now been cracked open and planted in you. THAT takes serious talent. Thank you for your sharing. Big kisses, J

  3. Callan says:

    Shooting someone down will never lift us up. When we feel that jealousy if our first instinct is to shoot, we let the bad feelings win.

    It doesn’t matter if we shoot at the person who inspires the jealousy — “Yeah, well, they are really bad anyway!” — or we shoot at our self — “You see, they are a winner and I am a loser and will never get the good stuff” — both bring us down.

    As you note, jealousy is linked to desire. We need to manage our own desire, whatever that means.

    Sometimes, as you suggest, it means seeing what we need and want, then choosing to go for those things.

    Other times, it means we have to see the desire as the distraction it is, as a side show we find to let us rationalize shooting someone, either being catty about someone else or justifying & celebrating our own self-pity. You can have it all, just not all at once, so choices must be made.

    For those of us who feel a twinge about romantic interludes and we have no partner to try and play them out with, we can’t just make what we have better. We have to value what we have, have to set that Erotic energy on lifting ourselves up.

    Shooting someone else down will never lift us up, so when we feel that urge, we need to find the place to bless what others have, knowing that if they can invoke that delight in their life, we can invoke delight in our life, too.

    • Joëlle says:

      Dearest Callan,

      This response is so thoughtful, thank you for sharing. You hit the nail on the head (and it applies to being both partnered AND single): “We have to value what we have, to set that Erotic energy on lifting ourselves up.” You are pointing to a really important factor, which is that, ultimately, we are in charge of filling up our own love tanks. It means tuning into, tapping in and turning onto our own desires, our cravings, our pleasures and, even more importantly laying claim to them. Once we begin to fill our tanks, we can see the possibilities, the abundance, the richness, even when we get tripped up by old habits and find ourselves ass deep in a jealousy swamp. It means bringing ourselves higher, so we can “see” our Sisters not as our enemies, but our strongest allies. This requires a whole new set of skills, a whole lot of letting go of culturally accepted ways of being. It’s a whole new paradigm. Welcome to the Revolution, Sister. This rising tide will lift all ships. xoxo J

      • Callan says:

        The idea of the world as a “zero sum game” the way of thinking that believes that there is only so much to go around so the only way to get what we need is to attack those who have it, just can never bring us what we need.

        We are responsible for our own “love tank.” Personal responsibility is hard for many people raised on blaming and shaming, but in the end, there is no other choice that affirms and expands abundance.

  4. Karyn Dornemann says:

    I found myself feeling the green-eyed monster inside when I found out a professional colleague was crushing it in his business. My envy really got hold of me with all the self-depricating head talk about my work status and then I found myself “almost” wishing this lovely, talented man to fail. I stopped myself short and turned it around and found a way to feel grateful for what this young man has actually accomplished, which lifts up my profession in the eyes of others and promotes knowledge and respect. As a side effect, he makes a good living and has the respect of his peers. And I feel better that I recognized what was happening and stopped myself from letting those feeling stay rooted in myself. We are actually going to have coffee one of these days and talk about some new possibilities in collaborating! I may not have had the nerve to contact him had I not had these feelings that came up front for me. So, there’s good to come, even from the negative.

    • Joëlle says:

      Way to turn it around Karyn!!!! I love that you used this experience to up your game, to contact him and to go for your desire of collaborating so that you can take both of you higher. Seriously genius move on your part. xoxo J

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