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Is Being a B*tch a Bad Thing?

You know, before today, I thought you were a real bitch,” Deb, an acquaintance, told me at the tail end of a “get in the hot seat” laser coaching session this week-end in front of 5 other women I had just met.

I was in the hot seat.

I noticed the ping in my body. I didn’t like being called a bitch. After all, I’d always been a nice girl. The word bitch stung…

But then, something amazing happened inside me.

I appreciated it. 

I know that sounds weird, and quite frankly I didn’t have time to talk to her so she could elaborate, but it felt like I owned myself in the word.

You see, before being a Bitch, I had been a Doormat. 

I was the quintessential people-pleaser, willing to do whatever it took to shape-shift in order to be whatever anyone wished of me, believing that everyone else knew better than I what was best for me, so that I may be liked.  That’s how I ended marrying: he asked, and I, thinking no one else would ever deem me worthy enough, said yes (even though I knew I did not love him.)  That’s how I ended up in the teaching profession: my college roommate was majoring in Education.  Hey, that sounded good, she was confident, so I did the same – no matter I had never even dreamed of teaching…   More people than I can name took advantage of my good nature….  Suffice it to say, in the end, I became so small and insignificant I almost disappeared altogether in 2008 – and was placed in a psychiatric center (I was suicidal.)

It was there I learned about true surrender and re-commitment to Self-Love Above All.

So, if that makes me a bitch, so be it.   You may agree with Deb’s initial view on me.  I guarantee she’s changed her mind.    I just know that so long as I choose self-love, there may be others who will cast stones – I am not going to change my commitment to myself.  Would you do so for me?

My courageous one, living fully means approving of every facet of your being.  I lived too long in the shadows and am working too hard to stay in the light to go back to being a doormat.   So I leave you with this thought:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

15 Responses to “Is Being a B*tch a Bad Thing?”

  1. Donna Panzl says:

    Joelle, Your article made me cry. It’s such a beautiful story. You becoming YOU. When I first saw you in the center on Saturday, I saw your light and felt your love. And that was before the introductions. You are a beacon for me. Thank you for being who you truly are. With much respect, Donna

    • Joëlle says:

      And you, dear, I have never seen such beautiful skin and sparkly eyes as yours! I look forward to attending your juicing lessons so I may be as brilliant! So nice to spend the day with you, xoxo Joëlle

  2. Karen Carey says:

    Are you a Debbie Ford fan. She talks about owning her own b*tch! You go girl!!!

    • Joëlle says:

      Huge – although not super familiar with all of her books. I, without a doubt, believe in the need for Shadow work to reclaim all parts of our lives. xoxo Joëlle

  3. Fifi Gifford says:

    I love you….You are someone to look up to! I am so blessed to have you as a friend!

  4. Deb says:

    Hey, my strong willed, self expressed, beautiful goddess friend! It is so easy to be called the B*tch moniker when others see strength, especially when there’s a lot of vulnerability underlying it. “Good girls” don’t fight back or stand up for what they want and need, and people with soft marshmallow insides should not be strong and powerful. (in some circles, anyway!)
    So from one Broad In Total Control of Herself to another, you GO girl!

    • Joëlle says:

      Thank you for your amazing words and intuitive sense. It is true I still struggle with authenticity v. shield – Each day deliberately placing myself in circumstances that exfoliate the shielded layers. This is the journey – and vulnerability is the way. I so appreciate you candor and loving-kindness. xoxo Joëlle

  5. Cara Bryden says:

    Joelle, how inspiring! Thank you for always sharing your life experiences so that people like myself can learn and be inspired by them. You are truly amazing so I guess I want to be a bitch too- ha!

  6. Joelle, I felt your unique special energy the first time we met. Beautiful article… I very much identified with much of it and am proud to also be a b*tch. It took me almost 30 years of gradual change to get here, but Oh, it feels so much better!!!

    • Joëlle says:

      Same here, Jan… Seriously freeing, right? I am, by no means, claiming I have it all figured out – just at the end of the middle part of my evolution (or is it Revolution?) xoxo

  7. Sheryl says:

    I am so glad you left the “doormat scenario” behind. You are truly an inspiration!

  8. Tanya Amodio says:

    My light is what frightens and inspires me simultaneously. Cheers to you, my beautiful friend! You have encouraged me to get my bitch on.

    • Joëlle says:

      Sweetie, Get it the F*ck on!!!! This is the struggle of the centuries, isn’t it? There is loads of love here for you. xoxo Joëlle

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