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I would not have wasted years of my life if I had known this….

“Be in love with your life. Every minute of it.” Jack Kerouac

Dare To Love copyTonight I teach the last class in the 6-week series I created entitled “Dare to Love Greatly: The Art of Wholehearted Relationships”.  The feedback has been so great, so unexpected that the next session is already beginning to fill up – and I haven’t really done any promoting of it.

If you had told me in January of 2013 that I would find my calling in teaching about relationship, I would have thought you to be crazy.  But that’s how life works sometimes: when you least expect it somehow everything you have done up until that point clicks and makes complete sense.  The content for this class was inspired by the research I had done on dating this year.  I had been tired of being alone, tired of time wasted, tired of feeling like a failure with men and convinced everything I had believed about men and relationships had to be wrong.  Mostly, the content was inspired by my own relationship with Card Asking Man.

This journey has made me realize that I had not been the only one struggling with the issues of dating and men.  What I did not know was how starved women are in having the kind of mature, deep, inspired, soulful and sexy relationship that I have found.  A relationship I co-created, deliberately – while choosing to be completely honest and vulnerable.

In my willingness to take risks in the area of relationships I learned that:

  • The key to joyful relationship is Self-Love first.  Feeling complete on one’s own takes the pressure off the need to have someone complete you.
  • The “One” does not exist.  Each and every man possesses, on some level, the qualities you are looking for in a partner.
  • The idea that there just aren’t enough “good men” to go around – is just plain false.  There are plenty of good men.  You just have to be willing to do some sorting to find one that is the best match for you.
  • Using the feeling of  “spark” as THE way to determine a good mate is not the way to go.  In fact, “spark” on its own does not a deep or sustainable relationship make.  (it is perhaps why, in Spanish, fireworks are called “fuegos artificiales” [artificial fire]… Makes you think…Hmmm….)
  • Asking yourself, “Can I TRUST him?“, “Does he have integrity?“, “Can I be myself?” are the perfect beginning questions – the answers to which all need to be a HELL YES, otherwise it’s a deal breaker.
  • “False advertising” (meaning showing up as what you think he wants, rather than who you are to “get him”) is not a way to build a relationship – besides why would you spend your life with a man who is not willing to embrace every single, delicious, perfect, authentic facet of who you are?
  • Speaking honestly (as scary as that might be – risking him running for the hills) and sharing your relationship end point desires (as far as you can see them) is another way of ensuring you are with the right man.  If you see the two of you sharing living space and he wants to be free to date other women, wouldn’t it be good to have this clarity?  Would it not make sense to want to be with a man who shares the same or similar end point visions?
Christmas 2013

Christmas 2013 – Complete with Rudolph and Elf hats…

To be honest, the last place I expected to find myself at the beginning of 2013 was in the kind of relationship I had always dreamed of.  I guess such is the power of clarity, intention, attention and desire.  And I have come to realize that, given the right kinds of awareness and tools, it is possible for every woman and man.

We are not the only ones hungry for mature, deep and sexy relationships.  Men are starving for them, too.  And it is my greatest desire to help you create balance within your significant relationships so that both can bring out the best in one another and find a sense of joy and fulfillment.

I cannot express enough my appreciation for Card Asking Man: for the way he showed himself authentically and vulnerably, for the way he has held space for me while honoring himself, for loving full out.  I am in such deep gratitude for what we have together.

It is this kind of relationship I desire for you as we greet 2014.

Thank you for your love, you comments, your questions, your support.  As we flow into the new year, it is my intention to continue to bring to you the best of myself and engender in you, the same.

In love, service and pleasure,



4 Responses to “I would not have wasted years of my life if I had known this….”

  1. Lee Ann says:

    Great tips for approaching relationships in the new year, Joelle!

  2. Katie says:

    I love your beautiful authenticity, Joelle!


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