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Saying “I do” for the second time

I do

Photo by Rich Krissel and Shana Silverman

“Between the stimulus and response, there is a space and in that space lie your power and freedom.” Victor Frankl

On my last post, I wrote on the topic of trust.  More specifically, I shared the radical notion that the less you trust, the more signs you tend to miss, the greater the chances for choosing a partner that may not be right for you.

I also shared that your thought, “I don’t trust men”  could really fueled by the belief, “I don’t trust myself.”  I got no arguments on this idea.  Still, I was curious whether the latter held any validity beside my instinct and experience.

I did what any researcher would do: go to the source to get the proof necessary to stand firm on this claim.

I contacted clients and my dear friend Tanya who had, recently, said “I do” for the second time and asked them to respond to this one question, What shifted in you that you would trust in taking the vows once more?”  

This week, I thought I would share Tanya’s answer:

“I had dinner with a friend last night and she asked the expected newlywed question, So how is married life?

It is so satisfying that my husband and I, at this point in our lives, have chosen each other, I shared.

With that being said, how beautiful it is to have taken such an important step together with mindfulness, intention, and a hearts full of love.  My friend and I both reminded each other of the power we all have to invite and ignite love into our lives.

Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair…  lyrics from one of my favorite Mumford and Sons songs, After the Storm.  

Perfect lyrics that describe the path that has allowed my husband and I to create the best love of our lives.

Our love grew quickly and deeply. Time served me realizations early in our relationship- that I had remaining hills to climb in order to be able to make this beautiful commitment a second time.  I knew- that whether it was with my husband, with another person, or even alone, those hills weren’t going anywhere.  If I didn’t understand the yuck, that shit would creep up and show up in unpredictable moments and kick my butt.   After what almost led to a breakup for us, I asked— something I didn’t know how to do so well previously- I asked my partner for patience and the respectable space to do the personal work I needed.   He never left my side, and if that was hard for him, I never knew.  What I also didn’t know was that he bought an engagement ring for me a few months after we met.   And as this beautiful ring sat in a pair of old socks, hidden in an old leather suitcase, stored in the attic.

While it was hidden, transformation happened. 

I do

Photo by Rich Krissel and Shana Silverman

So you ask me, what shifted for me?  I had to address and sit with my fears.  I had to belly-up to my insecurities, redefine vulnerability and the biggest lesson of all- I trust myself.   We are bigger than what can prevent us from evolving.  No matter what happens as a result of what I “invite in”- I trust the path and I trust that no matter what, it will always be a smarter and soulful journey.” ~Tany

Tanya’s words are profound.

They speak to the heart of matter and the actions necessary to find Trust once more: The willingness to set your own Inner GPS to “home,” go Spelunking into fear and clean out your internal clutter so you may emerge anchored in trust for yourself.

Her story is the story of every woman who has had the courage to question her beliefs, to sit in uncertainty and to stand for something altogether revolutionary: Her Worth.

Only then is she truly free.

Your Soulwork for this week is to tell me in the comments below what is it about men/relationships you don’t trust and what is about yourself you are uncertain of?  Be honest.

Recognize that in allowing yourself to be transparent and vulnerable, you  begin your journey home to your worth.  It is an opportunity for you to love all of you, no matter what mistakes you made in the past, so that you may open up to the DEEP SOULFUL LOVE you’ve always desired. 

Listen, my love, as I have sounded this out for your pleasure. Click below:

P.S. While this material doesn’t cost you a cent, it came from my heart.  All I ask is that you share this post with at least three friends.  Fair trade, right? xoxo Joëlle

One Response to “Saying “I do” for the second time”

  1. Lisa says:

    Loved LOVED this. My girlfriend and I were just talking about marriage “again”. And we both agreed- we both want it! There is something to say for that level of commitment and it’s the little things that are usually taken for granted that we miss. Someone to just hug. Someone to cook for. Someone to share your deepest thoughts with in the middle of the night.. but how do you get there? We agreed we must be “open hearted”. Easier said than done with a history of bad relationships. So I knew the only thing that was going to change that pattern was me. Through my work I’m learning to trust with open eyes. I’m not fantasizing about making it what I want it to be, instead deciding does what it is serve me. Will I go down that isle again? No. my feet will be in the sand. The feelings will be reciprocated and it will be a glorious celebration of everything I’ve ever wanted to give and receive, ❤️

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