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Daring to Love Greatly in my 50’s

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  • “Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it.” – Braveheart

 

I’ve got good news for those of you who haven’t hit the landmark of 50 yet: Love is still possible.

(I didn’t think it was.)

I’d been in love once before, but not like this.

This time I have found, for me, it is a much more conscious and responsible expression.  There is a sensitivity and awareness that exists now that wasn’t present when I was much younger.  And, if you have been following my posts for the past few months, you probably are aware that I am much more deliberate about the way I have approached this relationship.

I didn’t just meet Card-Asking man and think to my self (insert giggle here), “Oh this really cute friend of a friend just asked me out for a hike.  He’s got a nice personality. He’s smart and creative. And, oh I hope we get real serious….”

No.  That was the old me.  (The one who, after her divorce put, “taller than me” as the number one requirement on her “new man” desire list – my ex was 5 foot 3 – okay, I admit, pretty low standards for a desire list.)

My 50 year old self came into the game with another agenda.  Guided by a wiser, more grounded, clearer self-awareness, she was no longer willing to settle. So,

I tested him.  I prodded him.  I cajoled him.  I flirted with him.  I broke down in front of him. I challenged him. I pushed his growing edges.

I wanted to know what he was made of.

I wanted to know his disposition, his character.

I wanted to know how he would deal with life when met with difficulties.  How he would deal with me when I was less than spry.

I still do.  I want to know that he can handle all of who I am.  All of me as woman.  Because sometimes, I’m a lot.

The difference was that, this time, I came into the dating game loving myself, being really clear that I was a woman of worth, and that I was bringing something to the table that was special: one who was no longer willing to hide.

This adventure is very young – and there are more aspects to me and to him that neither have been witness to, and remaining constantly aware, responsible, and deliberate in the relationship is new ground.  Co-creating (because this shit just doesn’t just happen) with one another is challenging sometimes.  Authenticity and honesty can be difficult.

And worth it –

when there is nothing to hide, there’s nothing to lose.

I don’t know where it is going – and putting a suit on it just doesn’t seem like the right fit.  Enjoying the NOW of this feels comfortable – even, if we end up being a stepping stone for the other.  That’s different, too.  Staying present to what and where we are with no need to project into the future (my young self would have been ALL over that one…)

What I do know is that I’ve loved this adventure and that, if it were to end tomorrow, devastation would not be in the cards.  I’ve loved myself all along while loving him.  That I would not lose.  Nor everything I have gained as a result of risking full out

with such deep gratitude.

It’s your turn: I want to hear from you.  Tell me about your deliberate co-creations.  Share your struggles.   Ask your deepest questions.  I respond to each and every one of your comments.

In love, service and pleasure,

Joelle

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