A few weeks back, my man came over after his soccer practice. The moment he entered my home, I could tell he was in a mood. Typically we have connection instantly upon seeing one another. That particular evening it was unavailable.
As we sat on the sofa in my living room, I listened deeply as he shared his heart, his doubts and the questions he was struggling with. I kept my silence, remaining open as he spoke. We sat that way a long time while he took the time he needed to “clean house.” Finally, we held one another: I, loving him exactly where he was.
When he felt complete, he thanked me. He told me how difficult showing his underbelly to me had been. How much trust was required on his part. He believed I would not take this moment of “weakness” and use it against him at a later date.
I knew exactly what he spoke of, having a close familiarity with this kind of betrayal and shaming. I knew what it was like to trust a loved one with the contents of my heart, only to be assaulted with them later. Those relational wounds of betrayal and shame can lay down deep grooves in our psyche, have us write a script forbidding us from ever trusting another ever again, keep us from having the level of intimacy with another we so crave.
I recognized this as a pivotal moment in our relationship.
Knowing that it takes a lot for a man to allow himself that level of vulnerability, especially having suffered at the hands of another, let me know that we had co-authored a culture of implicit trust. It meant that despite his deep wounds, he entrusted me with his heart.
THAT is the glue to relationship, whether with a romantic partner, a family member or a friend.
When you can intentionally co-create a Covenant of Trust – you agree to hold one another’s heart and wounds for safekeeping – and adhere to it, then there is no limit to the level of intimacy you can have. The agreement is Sacrosanct. It is a commitment you make as well as a choice to honor and be loyal to for as long as you are together.
“Do I Trust him?”
This is the very first question I invite women to answer for themselves when first meeting a man. If the answer is, body/mind/emotions, an unequivocal “YES”, you’ve got something to work with, it’s all systems go: a chance to co-create with one another the kind of partnership you seek.
If there is a modicum of doubt, all bets are off. Trust is EVERYTHING.
And when you do find the person you trust implicitly, then you have the basis for intimacy and the material to heal your relational wounds. You have the opportunity to rewrite the script that has kept you stuck attracting the same kind of guy and finally be able to experience the Deep Soulful Love you’ve been looking for.
Joëlle Lydon is a relationship coach, educator, speaker, writer, poet, and founder of JoelleLydon.com an online site that features savvy and soulful advice, articles, videos, private consultations, workshops, and retreats (both live and virtual). She has been featured in Healthy Life Magazine, Times Union Newspaper, Life at Home Magazine, CoachCampus.com, Blog Talk Radio, Healing Springs Journal, CDPHP, Time Warner Cable News, Fox News and more. You can also follow Joëlle on Twitter and Facebook.
Need some help connecting to the voice of your soul? Schedule your Dare To Love Greatly Breakthrough session with me today. Visit https://calendly.com/joellelydon
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