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The Challenge of Deep, Soulful Love

 

1606897_10203983889785921_8076795947873018707_nMy guy and I agreed on a relationship hiatus a while back.   I have to admit that I wondered whether what we had co-created had enough chomp to withstand the challenge of doing this for an undefined amount of time.

The initial decision to deliberately be apart made sense given the circumstances, given how prone we were to letting the world fall away when we were together, given our propensity to let things slide so good we felt with one another.

We made the agreement over dinner believing we would be seeing one another in a social event a few weeks later.  It was what it would take for him to tidy up some loose ends, and to ensure I was getting what I desired and was so worthy of: an untethered soul.

Perfectly reasonable, right?  Such a rational decision must mean we kept our cool…

Um. No.

The first few weeks were full of turbulence for me, full of triggers.  Like an addict cut off from her drug I found myself jonesing his presence, his texts, his contact, his attention. I was back in a familiar pattern replete with emotional land mines.  My mind, craving a narrative, made up stories of how this was just the excuse he needed to be done with me – I had finally become too much, wanted more than he had the capacity to give, was no longer worth the investment.  This “time away” was the excuse he needed to bow out.

My mind weaved ending scenarios…

I found myself spending the majority of that time alone (mistake #1) so that I may take a nose dive right into self-pity and self-deprecation  (mistake #2),  and flounder in inactivity (mistake #3).

Inadvertently I was doing EXACTLY what I tell my clients NOT to do: pinch themselves off from their own Love Light.

Adorable right?

Once I recognized that my worries were just an indication that I still carried “stories,” still embodied beliefs that did not serve me, still had areas of growth, my behaviour changed and I began to turn myself about.

The truth was this: I had created this situation with my guy and therefore it was perfect (disguised, of course, in an imperfect package.)  Who was I to mess with perfection? This was yet another invitation to clean up MY side of the street….

I started by anchoring myself in an affirmation, a mantra, or a “femantra” (as I like to call them) to remind me that everything in my life, in my love, in my relationship is unfolding exactly as it should and I invoked Divine Order.

Then, I dove deep into dialing up my Love Light.  I reached out to my community of Sisters and was transparent about my process (this one move took care of mistake #1 and #2.)  Immediately I felt relief, and created space in my mind.  I was able to embody my “femantra” fully. To take care of mistake #3, knowing a woman thrives on attention, I set up movie and dinner dates, I dialed up my exercise, danced, wrote, tended to my property, took responsibility and ownership of my health by preparing dishes from the abundance of my garden.

I became an active participant in my life.

Before I knew it, I no longer found myself pining away, massaging stories…. I had called back my love for myself – and that, in itself, sufficed.

I had put into practice what I teach my clients:  I had turned on my Love Light, explored my Love Blocks and put myself back in the Driver’s Seat.

Deep Soulful Love isn’t about placing your eggs in “The One’s” basket (besides, those of you who know me, know I don’t believe there is one “The One” out there for you. Who would want to be saddled with that responsibility?  That much pressure on a guy, will send him running for the hills…) Deep Soulful Love is about letting Love hit the most profound part of your heart.  Once this kind of love is felt, you can’t go back.  You’ve called back your worth.

From the beginning, Matt and I have challenged each other to grow and to go after our dreams.   It has sometimes meant that we make decisions that, from an outsider’s perspective, seem counterintuitive to staying connected, to staying together.  This kind of love is far from average.

But, then again, I don’t prescribe mediocrity to others.  Least of all for myself.

So you’re looking for a tidy ending?  There is none.  Tidy endings are for fairy tales.  Deep Soulful Love is for those willing to let go of preconceived notions in order to create the kind of relationship that transforms you.

All I know is that when we did, in fact, see one another after our hiatus, a good friend asked, “When are you getting married?”  Apparently they seem to feel our connection and find it inspiring, despite our not fitting a traditional relationship mold.

We must be doing something right.

xoxo

Listen, my Love, as I have sounded this out for your pleasure.  Click below:

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NOW IT’S YOUR TURN: How do you connect to YOUR love light either while in relationship with another, or while on your own.

Want to learn more about finding you Deep, Soulful Love?  Join me for this FREE Introductory workshop.  Click Here

 

 

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