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Standing true to your desire when there is no fecking evidence of it happening…

I am writing to you from Kripalu in Lenox Massachussets.

It took some serious magic to be here.

You see, after my public declaration of needing funds to fulfill my desire of spending the week-end with Martha Beck and riding that rollercoaster, I hit a HUGE obstacle.

By Tuesday, when it looked like I would probably be able to have the funds I needed to get into Martha’s class, I called Kripalu to make my reservation..

They told me they were fully booked.  

They wouldn’t even accept commuters.  

It was against the fire code…

I flipped.

You mean I just spent the last 10 days putting together this campaign to get me there only to be told by the Kripalu Registration Sentinels I couldn’t?  Oh no you didn’t….

I asked to be put on a waiting list and made a decision to keep calling until the day of.  After all, air companies over book expecting cancellations all the time.  Why not a Yoga center?

For three days I called 3-4 times, each time being met with the same response:

“Nope.  No cancellations.”  (In other words, give up, lady, it’s not happening.  Move on, already.)

In the meantime, the funds kept coming in.  I was starting to feel guilty – what will I tell everyone when it doesn’t happen?  I’ll feel like a fraud, like I’ve mislead everyone, like I’m a complete fuck-up for not making the reservation sooner….

Yet, I kept envisioning myself on the Kripalu campus: on the top bunk bed of the 22 person dormitory, eating my meals in the cafeteria, taking notes as Martha shared her wisdom…

And, on occasion I would slip. Plug into, what my friends Rono and Sierra call, “The Matrix.”  Into the “Truth” that none of this would ever work out the way I was hoping for.

Each time I thought this way, I could feel the shackles on: restrictive, contracted, painful.

By Thursday I met with my business coaches, shared my dilemma.  They encouraged me to stay in a positive place for the next 24 hours and to question the validity of the Sentinel’s answer.  I decided to take it on as a challenge and to “act as if” it were going to happen despite the lack of all evidence.

I spent the next twenty four hours in absolute Bliss (but this is for another blog post…)

Three o’clock on Friday (4 hours before the workshop was meant to begin) I called one last time, hoping.

Nope.  Not a chance.

So, I did the unthinkable: packed my bags, put on a sexy dress, wore the beautiful Hand of Fatima necklace my son brought me back from his trip to Morocco, sprayed Rose essential oil upon my skin, got into my car and headed for Kripalu.  On the way, I chose to listen to uplifting, fun, dance music, sang and danced in my seat as I drove.  And upon arriving, I sat in my car a while, viewed a youtube video of a dance break a Sister Goddess friend of mine had recently posted on Facebook, which was delicious and inspiring.  And waited until I felt juiced and jazzed to be there.

Only then did I cat walk my way into Kripalu and head for the front desk.

Greg awaited me, young, smiling.

I told him my story.  He completed my statement, “so you’re here to manifest it.”  (Yup, he was speaking my language.)

He called registration.  Got the same answer I had.  He could see my desire to be here.  He told me to wait, he was going to figure out a way to fix this for me.  (God I love men and their fierce desire to please and serve women…)

He came back with Erin, Guest Services Manager at Kripalu.  She gave me the same answer.  It

Erin Peck, Kripalu

Erin Peck, Kripalu

was a no go.  She felt badly.  She wished she could say yes.  What she could do was to get me into Martha’s book signing Saturday and either dinner or lunch.  I told her I would take it.

Then I told her the story of my GoFundMe campaign.  About all of the women who had stood for my desire to be there.  About how Martha’s picture was placed at the center of my vision board.  About how when my Sister Goddess friend, Dr. Lissa Rankin, had lead a workshop with her had made my desire to be with her even stronger.

Erin told me that, rather than turn around and head home straightaway, she would allow me to do dinner that night – and to check in with her before I left.

I thanked her profusely and decided to stroll around Kripalu like I was already staying in the place: I went to the store, let myself dream of picking up a new outfit, listened to some cd’s, went into the library, the meditation room, and sat on the lawn out front.

When I was ready, I went into the dining room and chose only the food that spoke to my heart.  I chose carefully, with love.

I found a quiet spot to sit on one of the communal tables, slowly enjoying my meal, going back through the memory of my last 24, blissful, hours and smiled.  I stayed in my pleasure.

Erin walked in.  Sought me out.  Came over smiling to tell me, “This never happens.  A commuter just called me directly to cancel.  You’re in.”

Just like I desired to be.

I was in such deep gratitude, such deep appreciation I just had to hug the daylights out of her.

I knew it was a done deal, but staying in that space took fierce practice and discipline.  As is true with anything that one wants.  If there is a lesson here it is to remember to question what we believe to be the “Truth” and to continue to take action toward your desires anyway even when there is no physical evidence of them.

I could not have NEVER done any of this without ALL of you: for your contributions, for holding onto this vision on my behalf, for believing in me.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being a part of making this huge desire come True.

Martha Beck and I meet at last!

Martha Beck and I meet at last!

In love, service and pleasure,







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